~Spero ergo sum~™

December 26, 2008

5 days to go . . .

Filed under: Crap!,Life,Sobriety,Whatever — Teal @ 8:14 am

Dear God,
Let this year end in a quick and painless fashion.
And let the shit be canned. Forever.

On a happier note, hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! 😀


September 21, 2008

Inner torment of the IT professional

Filed under: Poetry,Whatever — Teal @ 11:51 pm

The same old drill ensues, yet another day

The monotony never seems to fade away

One fine day, it’s all out in the papers

Your soul is drowned in worry, and dismay


The competition increases, the level so very upbound

The need for the amoebic, ever so profound

The lay off, budget cuts all set to take shape

To shake your world, like an earthquake



Will I make money for bread today

Or to grad school, should I make way?

Will I end up jobless tomorrow?

And give in to the pile of loans borrowed?


The unforgiving inflation, with it, it brings

The lack of balance, security and savings

There seems to be no guarantee for normal skills

An engineering degree is now a run off the mill


Where are we headed in this mad rush of a race?

Where does it all end?

should we be vigil and fickle?

Or laid back and be calm and pretend?


I feel the rush deep within, 

but my fear keeps me captive, instead

When will I recover from the feel of dread

and when will I move ahead?


Am I losing my sanity to the void?

Am I imprisoned in a nightmare of Freud?

Am I being just garrulous

Or a tad too paranoid ?

March 18, 2008

Of Masses and “Mass” modes of communication

Filed under: Life,Sobriety,Whatever — Teal @ 10:08 am

A decade or 2 back , had you gone to our parents or people from our generation and told them, “Yo guys, snail mail is going to be a long forgotten relic” they would have probably burst out loud with laughter and dismissed the whole statement. But look at the dismal state of human beings and most importantly communication today. Snail mail is a relic [with reference to the metro’s and the emerging cities of course] and we have probably the fastest and quite effective ways of communicating, yet , sad but true, the warmth of a letter is something precious and irreplacable.

Many of my school buddies had left me in the 9th and or 10th grade to shift to other places, given that scenario, we had no mode of communication, save letters. I still remember coming back home on my trailblazer and feeling a thrill when my mother used to hand me the letter that had come that very day. Although the news in it, would be atleast a week to ten days old.

I remember tearing the envelope impatiently and reading all the contents in a hurry, and then perusing them at a much slower pace. The handwriting and sometimes the smell. My friends used to apply some perfume on the letter before sending them across too. [Sounds crazy but used to feel damn good back then.]

Yet the more means of communication, the more we are drifting away from people. You might have that ultra bulky expensive state of the art phone in your hand. But what good will it do, if you are not using it contact people you love or who care for you?

We as a species have dominated this world. Gone are the days when we used to hide in caves fearing carnivorous predators. All we are doing is inventing more gizmos which can make our already ‘simple ‘ tasks all the more automated and in consequence, enlargening our carbon footprints and screwing up the ecological balance.

Even some social networking sites have enabled ‘mass messaging’ or ‘mass scrapping’ that has lead to more harm than actual good. So what is your point Teal? You may ask.

My point is simple.

You may have a blackberry, a blueberry or even a basket of gooseberries. But there is no point if you lead to life to an extreme neglect of people around you. Will serve you right , when you have the ample or more than sufficient technology to send out messages or communication, but there will be no one left on the other side.

March 7, 2008

God’s Anomaly

Filed under: Manic depression,Poetry,Rage,Sobriety,Whatever — Teal @ 10:44 pm

I dont believe in fairy tales
nor do i believe in sheer dumb luck
whether i like my life or not
this is were I am stuck

Belief crawled it’s way out of my mind
Faith lost and people unkind
During more pressing times these thoughts unwind
Looks like all the while I’ve been blind

Friends say I view through a stained glass
grief, rage, retribution I seldom let pass
Let go is a statement, one tells real easy
But arent the sane in the mad world, crazy?

Who I am? What do I seek?
Is a question all ask, from the brave to the meek
Seems like someone from above is to yet to tweak
with my fate, the worms held by my beak

Redundant to say, but the days drag on endlessly
All images and sounds mingle needlessly
The answer to my question, I have come to see
I am nothing, no one but god’s anomaly

December 11, 2007

What IF? [written on 1st Oct, 2005]

Filed under: Life,Poetry,Sobriety,Whatever — Teal @ 7:18 pm

what happens when darkness falls?
when evil lurks, standing tall
When you try things in your own way
But it doesnt matter anyway


What happens when empires fall
When once you knew you had it all
But you blamed everything on your fate
fret and fume till it’s too late!


what happens when u drown in despair
lose out on something really rare
drenched in frustration surrounded by gloom,
and inching in to seal your doom


What happens when you’re stuck in a maze
a pathful of thorns & bristles, fires ablaze
you try to run and hide, scream and shout
but alas ! there’s no way out


what happens when you know it’s all gone
you hear it scream from far away
when you ram your head over a lost chance
because you failed to seize the day …


when you are all alone in the black night
when everything’s wrong and nothin’s right
kith and kin, near and dear out of sight
friends and foes alike amuse at your plight


what if all that you had was never really yours
what if someone has already sealed your fate?
will you carry on with your tears and fears
Until it’s too late???

I wrote this in 3rd year of college, and had mailed it to a friend asking for his opinion. Totally forgot about it until now, when i was checking out some ancient mails 🙂

Goes to show one thing though, I started writing depressing poetry even before I started blogging 😀 “officially”


December 3, 2007

Bad hair days and a baby’s smile

Filed under: Life,Misc,Sobriety,Whatever — Teal @ 9:34 pm


Today is just yet another crappy monday, I thought. My start wasn’t that good. Woke up real late with a nightmare involving people who would’nt even cross my mind if the apocalypse was around the corner. Funny , this dream mechanism. It brings to the forefront of focus people who dont mean a thing to you at all!

And given Chennai’s humid weather, my hair once looked like that of an anime character. One must understand that people from yesteryears look at me and immediately understand that I like rock music .. beat that !!! 😐

My new hairstyle is pretty convinient for head bangin, pity their ain’t no decent rock bands coming around. Heard maiden was hitting mumbai in Feb though me no maiden maniac. [Except for those days when you are so damn pissed with the world! But I also listen to “Break stuff” by Limp Bizkit, which basically includes every expurgated word involved and brings the whole “why blaaad … same blaaad thing” perspective]

After tryin in vain to tame my mane [yeah I know I got a knack for poetry 😛 ] I rushed out to the bus stop , missing a bus. Dammmit, I thought. Then I got another bus where there was this extremely cuuuuuuuuuute baby with her mom and grandma sitting right behind me. I kept playing with the kid gleefully till my bus stop.  Then as I headed to my terminus, all the share autos were already taken, infact overflowing with people [@$%^(^&$%@]

Then came a completely vacant auto which took very less people and dropped me real soon. Pretty good eh? I infact even had a pretty good day at work. All that I had set out to achieve had been accomplished. Got a very clever excel tip and put that to use, which saved me a lot of time. While heading back home, yakked a lot with my buddy and for once, he actually cracked a joke! 😀 And at that moment , I just realised how long it had been since I actually laughed out loud. [See I am not the kind who types “lol” or “lmao” in chat and looks like -> 😐 ]

On the way back home,I missed yet another bus by seconds. This time I thought to myself , there must be plenty of buses around. I got one bus around 10 minutes later, and guess what, I reached hom 3 mins earlier than the bus I had missed! That again put a grin on my face 😀

Needless to say, this bad hair day blossomed into a beautiful start for the week ahead, thanks to the baby’s smile 🙂

November 10, 2007

Of feet in mouth

Filed under: Humour,Life,Sobriety,Whatever — Teal @ 2:39 pm

This post is written with the genuine well wishing intent of enlightening the blogger junta who come here to get some cyber gyaan from great people like me … yeah right.

Point #1: This is not about Foot and Mouth disease.

Point #2:This is not about Mad cow disease, either.

Point #3: This is not about Bird Flu, Chikun Gunya et al… So I think you basically get the hint.

Most often than ever, people end up putting their feet in their mouth [not literally, gross!] in the most unexpected ways.

E.g #1: The ‘Enna koduma saravanan idhu’ F.I.M

  • You are racking your brains for a particular fix … have checked all the bleddy possibilities under the sun. Your TL does the same thing … and he ropes in the senior developer to glance at your code.
  • You heave with a sigh of relief! Phew ….
  • 5 minutes pass.
  • 10 minutes pass ….
  • You get frustrated [since you are hungry , hell it’s lunch time dammit!] and utter “Enna koduma Saravanan idhu??”
  • Your team is laughing out loud.
  • Your Tech Lead giggles uncontrollably .. all is well until you catch the senior developer’s expression -> 😐

Then you finally glance upon his name tag and realise , the dude’s name is Saravanan 😐 oh crapp …..

E.g “The uncomfortable silence amidst the F.I.M”

  • A friend of yours belongs to a different community and hence may have different sentiments about somethings that one might hold as sentimental or close to the heart. One thing that is actually good about the software industry is that people from all over the country come together under one roof. It brings out the true spirit of unity in diversity.
  • And also the potential risks of saying something that may tick off your other “diverse” friends.
  • I am in pretty good terms with people from other states, it feels nice to speak a different language once in a while or to meet up and talk about a place far far away, [which in their case, could be their hometown].

Point of this post is:

Sometimes the most brutally frank people get a big kick in the butt [mostly self inflicted] out of saying something which hurts the other junta. This may seem perfectly harmless when you play it in your head, since your biased perspective will be the judge of it’s harmlessness.

So the best way of avoiding the F.I.M :

  • Think.
  • Think [dammit] before you open your mouth and say something.
  • If someone comes to you with good news like “Hey, I’m getting a promotion!” , dont just go “You got a promotion????” without thinking twice 😀
  • Be calm and stay focussed, since this is something that every chatterbox might end up facing at some point of time in his/her life.

The aftermath of a typical F.I.M and the modus operandi to follow:

  • Aah, the uncomfortable silence and palpable tension.
  • Hey, my teammie is calling .. catch you in a while?
  • Did u see the trailers of “OM shanti OM????” [To be spoken page3 ishtyle]
  • If the F.I.M happens over IM, simply type “brb” and Esc on that chat window. Voila! 😛

As is the case with most such instances, prevention is always better than cure. So stay wise and most importantly, stay silent! 😎

On a totally unrelated note, two of my buddies are walking towards the threshold of a wondrous journey with their better halves.

Here’s to Simran and Ajit ji , wishing them all the joy and bountiful happiness in their lives ahead and all the very best too. 😀

Here’s also to Anirudh and his gal, may god keep them all happy and blessed as they take this step towards a lifetime of togetherness. 😀

November 4, 2007

Finally …. I found a TAG :-D

Filed under: Tags,Uncategorized,Whatever — Teal @ 8:56 pm

What is to be done!!!!
Alas!God! Is their no creative juice left in my system!Misery is mine … Woe is me!!!! 😛

Okay okay .. enough with the overacting …When faced with the bloggers block … which is as common as catching the flu in Chennai during monsoon time … what must a person do ..



A tag post of course 😛

I found this tag on Bullshee’s blog and decided to take up the challenge!
1) Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it…
There is a small scar in my left hand …. I think I got it when a cycle fell on me when I was 2 years old.

2) What does your phone look like?
It looks like the pathetic excuse of a mobile phone .. an extremely scratched Moto C168 which has survived being thrown out of a bus … I was praying it never came back to me, but a kid came running from the road when the bus halted and handed it straight to me… phbbt….

3) What is on the walls of your bedroom?
Teal painted walls in my bedroom .. No sticking stuff on my walls!

4) What is your current desktop picture?
Some arbitrary wallpaper of blue lilies [thanks to mom]

5) Do you believe in gay marriage?

6) What do you want more than anything right now?
One nice hot plate of chilli parotta 😦 which I just went and had 😀 ….. yayyy……

7) What time were you born?
8:50 pm in the night.

8) Are your parents still together?

9) Last person who made you cry?
Someone not even worthy of mentioning in a tag post.

10) What is your favorite perfume / cologne?
I like Absolutely Fabulous and Charlie too.

11) What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?
No preference of hair color , but eyes must be very deep and beautiful 🙂

12) What are you listening to?
Sideways by Citizen Cope.

13) Do you get scared of the dark?
No, not really.

4) Do you like painkillers?
Nope. Avoid painkillers as far as possible.

15) Are you too shy to ask someone out?
Most guys I’ve met have turned out to be jerks or total assholes of all possible scales of measure … so if i find someone worthwhile then I wont be shy.

16) If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Chaat all the way ! PavBhaji and Bhelpuri.

17) Who was the last person/people who made you mad?
My folks.

18) Who was the last person who made you smile?
One clumsy git at work. He is the emperor of Klutzonia … seriously! 😀

I take leave at this point to tag any willing person who is actually willing to do tag posts.

Bye for now.

September 30, 2007

(2) A hungry wail in the hail

Filed under: Sobriety,Stories,Whatever — Teal @ 11:30 am

“Big Deal.

Mascarenhas got demolished … Leave it to those prima donnas and pricks to make a deal out of it … and go to the nearest place to gorge or drink. I never needed them anyways. With my bird safely and snuggly tucked away in my garage, I watch now, and watch with wonder as the hailstorm showers small rocks of ice … demolishing and putting dents on every car in sight.

Hmmmm. Sometimes these things that we buy with the money we earn doing the things we hate the most are the only ones that seem to stick around. People seem to just come and go , like seasonal fruits. Momentary to the core.

Is everything in life a bargain?

I’ll like you if you like me. I’ll hang out with you, if you do the things I like. I’ll hangout with you all the more if we actually end up doing something worthwhile with the common hobbies that we have. When we are not doing anything worthwhile, we could always walk up to the nearest pub and get totally wasted. That again only counts if u stay sober enough after 7 straight shots. I know I can. Jeez, most ppl cant.
If despite the sick sychophantic act that you put up, I actually end up liking you, we might actually end up bonding … sheesh .. I honestly wonder who coined such a term or a concept!
If being with you exasperates me, or think I am pretty bored with who you are , or who I think you actually are, I will dwindle out on communication. You aint worth my time or my effort , once you like me…

Dont you even try to judge me. I represent the core of humanity. The sole purpose of our creation. Selfishness. I know there will be many people out there, wondering how the fuck can someone be so, well yeah, this is ME.

I am barenaked and open to everyone I see.

All the people I meet, dont mean a thing to me. I was under the impression that maybe at one point , at some point I might actually end up meeting someone who might make me think otherwise. But the bottom line is this.

Most of us, infact I would say all of us are spoilt brats, just dying to be pampered , dying to be doted upon others. shit … that is so pathetic if true. It makes me puke to think I was of that kind. Som made me feel this way, and opened my eyes to the other side. Thank you, you fucked up creep.

If you look good, have enough money and are “accomplished” enough, you’ll get enough company to keep you from boredom. The money can buy you your home theatre, your woofer car stereo and your shiny bike. The money can pave way to any vice you choose.

Lol … look me … getting all philo and shit. This world is full of fucked up losers and users.”

Ashok Sarangapani closed his journal, after a long perusal of his perfect cursive handwriting. He walked out into the snow on that blue monday morning.

He then found himself running 5 miles on a daily jog … watching everything with a smirk on his face.

Life has made a cynic out of me, he thought.

He took the 10 flights of stairs to the terrace. Everything else around him seemed so diminutive.

“The world is my terrace. The things , the people mean as much to me as these tiny things I see.”

He stretched out his hands and uttured a loud wail. The tears of anger streaming down his cheeks froze on his high cheek bones. He turned around to the asbestos sheet, now punctured with the near perfect dents of the hailstones.

Here’s to you Som, my dearest.Here’s to one fucked up life.

Ashok Sarangapani took the elevator back down and headed straight to work.

September 15, 2007

I’m Least Surprised =D

Filed under: Ganesha,Life,Whatever,Wolf's Rain — Teal @ 4:52 am

Which Wolf’s Rain character are you most like?


You are Kiba!(Pronounced kee-ba)Kiba, in Japanese, means “fang”. The (more or less) leader of the “pack”, Kiba is an arctic wolf who follows his instincts towards Paradise. When he was young, his pack and family were slaughtered when the forest where he lived was burned to the ground by Jagara’s troops. He was then raised by a shaman who told him that he had a purpose, explaining why the forest had sheltered him from the flames. The shaman told him that he would have a great journey ahead of him, and that journey was to find paradise. Kiba begins his quest for paradise in the hope that there he will finally find peace. It is revealed later in the series that he is in fact the chosen one who is destined to find and open paradise. He tends to be distrustful toward humans, and in the early episodes is reluctant to take a human form, even when it’s more convenient. He also has an attraction to Cheza, which may only be due to the fact that she can lead them to paradise.
Take this quiz!

On a totally different note, today is my sweetheart’s birthday! Happy Budday my dearesht Pilluuuuuuu :-*

You bring sunshine to every day … you make my life worthwhile! 😀

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