Of aapus at off-campuses

“Off campus” is a word that is of ultimate importance to us engineering grads. And by “US”, I mean the kind~

1. Who never had decent opportunities for on campus placement.
2. Who are stuck in the vicious cycle of ill fate.
3. Basically, those junta who are mere pawns at Murphy’s hands.

I had a chance. Infact I had 2 decent chances to get placed in leading MNCs. But I blew it. Well I prepared day and night and yet I blew it. Does that make any sense? It’s probably the time I was born, or the time I wrote the exam. Or just lord Murphy trying to amuse himself.

Preparing for placements is probably the most chafing thing in the whole wide universe. You may ask “Why???” Let me tell you why, infact I have a few more questions to be asked of you~

• Mugging and puking for getting a degree is pointless enough, but most companies only seem to look for one criteria – memory retention. Because many muggers I know [and by muggers I donot mean muggermuches or crocodiles, but they are nonetheless as vile and slimy :-&] get placed in the blink of an eye.
• These muggers are damn experts you know. They can even tell which paper the questions exactly came from and in which venue they were conducted and things like that.
• Then come those who are placed by sheer dumb luck. SHEER DUMB LUCK. These are the kind when asked if worked with George Summers, would promptly reply “Who is that guy??” X-( Baah!!!!

Then comes the pointer about the biggest pain of our times. Bakunthala Bedi.

The lady who can magically paraphrase, make umpteen assumptions based on the crappy questions she frames. [most of which have printing mistakes as well.]

When asked a question like how long will it take for this person to reach B from A given 2 trains T1 and T2, she would give a very “concise” 1 page explanation in that frigging book of hers which starts like this~

“Assume T1 is a bullet train. Now let us again assume that T2 is a toy train that covers the distance from mettupalayam to ……

………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………….

…………………….. thus we can clearly conclude that T2 is the faster of the two trains and Mammu will take T2 to reach his destination!!!!!!”

Oh for the love of god!

But people who have to attend off campus drives endlessly before the luck lady does a soprano do benefit a lot. Wanna know how? Here’s how~

Sun tan : Hell, you don’t even need a suntan lotion or waste time lying around in the beach. If you are pale and want to grow dark, off campus drives is the cheapest and the best option for you!

Crowd Management : Even the most decent of junta become uncivilized boors. You can effectively learn how to handle crowds, how to squirm and crawl amidst big, small and medium built people alike. How to effectively cut queues and stand in line right after arriving, when people who have been standing for hours seem like ginger eating monkeys.

Building your stamina : Are you weak? You can’t stand for long? You can’t play any sport? Don’t worry! Off campus drives are their for you. In the process of attending these pointless drives, you will be coached to~

· Wake up early.

· Rush without breakfast or water.

· Reach the venue.

· Find about 2000 people standing ahead of you.

· Make you mentally stronger. Hell you gotta get past these 1000’s of people to give your aptitude test.

· Sweat till there is no water in your system.

· Write the test on an empty stomach.

· Now who won’t toughen up after such an exhilarating experience?

One regular guy at off campus drives, who I happen to know, has cleared the physical fitness test for Eco Challenge 2007. Believe me, he doesn’t work out, he doesn’t jog or swim or anything. 3 months of off campus drives have toughened him. He is even thinking of giving the annual marathon a shot! You go dude!

Gyaan : You will realize that probability is a myth. It all depends upon the game of Murphy and the luck lady. You may make it, you may not make it. In fact, there is one company which is filtering and taking only dodos exclusively. This is one of the many steps that company is taking to achieve the Duh-Dodo certification, which is a must for most software companies nowadays. You get enlightenment without sitting under any Bodhi Tree. You also get a red pill free with a teensy weensy secret~

“There is no spoon[ spoon~ decent recruitment process]. “

Btw “aapu” => tamil slang for a screw up.

But now comes the best part of off campus drives.

You remember Meera from Ist standard? Your long lost friend? Hey wait a minute, is that girl in queue no.200 meera? Yes it is !!!! Yay me! Meera ….. hiiii …. You wave excitedly!

And Meera waves back. Yes, off campus drives are excellent venues for networking. You can meet your estranged schoolmates, childhood buddies, people who never even spoke to you during college, yet speak here as if you were in one biiig gang together!

Wah bhai wah!

Experience ho tho aisi …..